Why don't Americans spell "color" like "colour?" Ahti grunts and orders a beer. 1. English humor is famous from one side of the planet to the other because of its mindful nature, which likewise loans to the notoriety of British stand-up parody. This list will have the cracking like mad. 'M.I.Tea'. What do you do if you're driving your car in central London and you see a space man? So Ill just turn the heating off.. Is it something thats part of your heritage that you just cant let go of? What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath? Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. Our paths will croissant again. The Swedes on the (dim-witted) Norwegians: Why do Norwegians have such greasy hair? The French where not satisfied with their findings, so they spent about $250 million and two months for testing. My friend, an ice cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. Very France-y. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. Here are the funniest quotes and jokes about Britain and France about life, language, food, and love. Theyve let their oil go to their heads. The Portuguese mock the supercilious Spanish, the Macedonians pity Greek mens sexual prowess, and everyone has a go at the Belgians. Score: 6. 122. When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. This is why hes ahead. What happens when a British guy makes a promise? This French insult is somewhat outdated so that it has lost its bite. 116. How are the British taking to the Metric System? 47. Yes, its finally payback time for years of our European neighbours having to take our witty jibes: Basil Fawltys interactions with his Spanish waiter Manuel; Al Murrays Pub Landlord and his digs at the Germans, and Jeremy Clarksons well, just Jeremy Clarkson We have dished it out for years, either tongue in cheek or tongue pointing out cheekily over the channel; but now, whatever our political views Remain, Leave or "please just let me sit in a dark room and make it all go away", we cant escape the fact that the rest of the Continent is having a laugh at our expense. Jellied eels that manage to be both salty and tasteless, meat pies with gelatinous parsley sauces, and cutting afternoon tea cakes into small pieces. By throwing a Bonapart-y. 121. English lady: Waiter! 'Peckham'. How do you know James bond is British? 17. What did the French woman say to the receptionist at the airport? 161. 173. They pronounced him 'guilt-tea' in court. They have left EU. The people of France are extremely proud of their heritage and traditions. This does not influence our choices. What time do British tennis players go to bed? Cracking jokes and puns with people you love can actually be better than going places sometimes. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. 34. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. It's 'soda pressing'. An ex-policeman explains why cop jokes are so funny. There's a great fish and chips shop in London near King Crustacean. How do you say those? If they were going to make a British food version of 'Game Of Thrones', they'd name it 'Game Of Scones'. 6. The tea he hated the most was 'reali-tea'. She had a horrible 'heir' day. 63. 120. I Musee French art. British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds. 140. What do you call a cute British person? Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. What do people in France meet someone they haven't met in a long long time? Why did we get a Newcastle? Each time, he would ask them the same three questions: The ad read in good condition. How does every English joke start? One should avoid a 'casual-tea' as much as possible. Now Carle, 31, has completed. Of course, Nicolas Sarkozy handed over power in the traditional French manner. 4. What is written in the book of the French Constitution? 60 Hilarious British Jokes. Brits prefer brooms over vacuum cleaners when cleaning their floors. 30. As Shakespeare once said, They have the same climate. 26. 'Tennish'. We went back through the history books and calculated that in roughly 1,000 years of history there have been a total of 250 years of war in 30 conflicts between France and England and millions of deaths, most of them, unlike Hastings, outside of England., Carle suggests the roots of the current love-hate relationship between France and England dates back to Joan of Arc in the 15th century. Having an After Eight at 7.30); and the Poles, who have a go at the Germans for pretty much anything (German footballers are like German food: if theyre not imported from Poland theyre no good). Original in French: Quand on voyage sans connatre langlais, on a limpression dtre sourd-muet et idiot de naissance. Philippe Bouvard. 97. I don't know where I want to go, Norwich way I want to get there. What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers? France has usually been governed by prostitutes." 16. Fission chips. This is Six. I haven't talked to him in a while, so I don't know if he is sick 'Orwell' anymore. Q. My father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London. The Portuguese on the (supercilious) Spanish: Dad, says a Spanish boy to his father, when Im grown up I want to be just like you. Thats nice, son. Their favorite part of summer trips was always Bath time. 151. Et nous, Anglais, nous nous battons pour lhonneur. Their favorite kind is 'immortali-tea'. Richard Chesnoff hates everything in France and particularly the French. Having fought each other for centuries, the two countries now find themselves allied on most issues, despite themselves. 94. Why did the woman have a horrible time in London? Are you looking for the funniest artistic joke in French to impress your French friends? 35. So the drivers could see the battlefield. In it, the self-confessed Anglophile travelled to the UK, armed only with a love of the Beatles, David Bowie and Liverpool FC, to find out how much affinity he truly has with Frances cross-Channel neighbours. Many British people tend to make 'pour' decisions after going to the pub. Apologizing, taking accountability, and ensuring that your honest intention reaches the person can help make everyone feel better. What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire? So why dont they like each other?. 'Londoff'. 19. The French engineers insisted it was only a temporary remedy to a broken line elsewhere in the plant. Why did the evil man try to poison the baker and his assistant? Benjamin Carles new TV documentary shows a baffled Frenchmans attempt to understand England, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, renchman Benjamin Carle likes a challenge. 110. His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love. What do French people say when they meet new people? The only thing the French are good at is looking in their car rear mirrors during the war Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine . "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. An English journalist went to the train station to catch his scheduled train at 2 pm when someone accidentally mistook him for a luggage handler. Why do you eat this thing? says Benjamin Carle. Article 50. They decide to go for a picnic in the park. She is fond of classic British literature. 103. 37. He smiles as he is looking her up and down. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. "I can't handle your luggage, I'm only a 're-porter'", he chuckled. 12. 43. Germanys Henning Wehn on Britains passion for swearing: With stand-up in Britain what you have to do is bloody swearing. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. Jokes are a great way to make people comfortable and start a conversation on a funny note. (In case you were wondering, yes, British cars with their right-hand drive are legally allowed to drive on French roads. ", Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England, The Frenchman says "Adam and Eve must be French. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. What do British people like to wear? But did you know their military flag is an homage to the old French military flag as well? For sports lovers, this quote either comes from writer Serge Uzzan or famous french soccer player Eric Cantona (who spent a good portion of his professional career at Manchester United in the U.K.), Original in French: Il fallait tre Anglais pour inventer le rugby. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are planning a party. They're always nearly on the 'Thames'. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. 88. You have to stab him/her with a baguette. We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted. What did the French friend say when she had to leave after finishing dessert? To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." What seems to be the quietest sports in France? What would a French dog who loves eating potatoes be called? British humor is well-known to be open, dry, and sarcastic. These well-intentioned jokes are meant to bring laughter and joy to any conversation so that you avoid any awkward silences. 154. 36. Why do British people say, "I'm Bri ish"? Why did the graduate reminisce his college days in England so fondly? What tea can a person from Britain not stand? If a British person is too relaxed during tea time, they can get injured or die. Conan O'Brien, "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. They have a 'Liverpool'. Andouille. "Yes, it was provided by our good friends from . Why was the pet owner having such a hard time with the puppy he'd just adopted in England? That being said, the French do have a few jokes about their anglo neighbors to the north, generally focusing on the Brits being reserved, having bad teeth, being terrible cooks, or lacking sexual . We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! Because it was a beret good time! The performer asks if the can all see him. Pierre shares amazing stories of his time all over the world. ", Englishman: "Yeah, right, whatever, that's daft. Click here for more information. Bill O'Reilly does not like France and the French. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters. His opinion of French engineering skills was very poor. Fin-tastic. 6. Humour, like Marmite, tea and overpriced rail travel, is one of the cornerstones of Britishness. Even the waiter was impressed because it was a Chinese restaurant. She's really 'Austen-tacious' now. 66. He loves to express it on Fox News at any occasion. 165. So, he asked me what I was going to make for dinner. The visitor replies "I didn't realize that was still a requirement.". Europe is the migrant crisis, the Greek crisis, the euro crisis. Again, the cops merely shrug. Being considerate of others' feelings helps maintain good bonds. 143. Here is a list of tasty French food puns that will have you visiting your nearest French restaurant. He is Socialist Franois Hollande. A 'UK-lele. From the Guillaume de Conqurant (William the conqueror) who set sail from the shores of Normandy, France, to all their subsequent intermarriages with the French royals, theres a reason we say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!, Original in French: Les Anglais sont un peuple dune tnacit presque surhumaine. Because that would be putting Descarte before the Horace. The Swedes have got nice neighbours); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance (In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others). Sounds great! said the health conscious boy, as he ordered some. A British fish and an American fish met each other many years later. I would like to be on that ferry!. A 29-year-old Frenchman who studied in Spain and Germany and now lives in Brussels, Seignovert said the jokes underlined the adage that "teasing is a sign of affection. Their relationship is described as French." Traditional French food is one of the most popular cuisines all around the world. I think it has a nice ring. "Parlez vous Francais?" 107. France has been a popular target of jokes from American comedians, political figures, and more. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! If you enjoyed that post, you may like to read more interesting French quotes here. The breakfast of champignons. 81. He didn't want to leave a single 'scone' unturned. A British man loved to live in fantasy land. Jay Leno, "France has a new president who lives with a woman that he is not married to. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? 80. German stand-up Christian Schulte-Loh @germancomedian find allies in high places: Im not afraid of Brexit they cant kick all the Germans out of the UK. What did the French friend answer when he was asked to wear a costume for the party? 32. Jimmy Fallon, "In a new interview, Donald Trump's wife, Melania, said that she speaks English, Italian, French, and German. 137. He had gone 'Baroque'. I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. 2. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. 133. creative tips and more. From love and envy, lets look at this duel for the ages more closely shall we, with some of our favorite funny quotes about Britain and France, and that oh-so-tumultous relationship. Having been developed throughout the centuries, it had adopted various cooking traditions from neighboring countries as well. ", 70. After running her errands, she returned to the library and picked him up. 3. It was called the bantam of the opera. During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? 153. What did the exasperated Frenchman say when his friend wouldn't keep quiet about France? We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! And that, he says, is a good thing. The priest was to be the first to meet his fate. If there is anyone that has a love-hate relationship, it is Britain and France. He works round the clock. The d-eclair-ation of man's every right. 42. So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. Borrow six eggs, 200g of flour, half a litre of milk or Why do the Dutch make so many jokes about the Belgians? Colour? and picked him up, that 's daft said the health conscious boy as. Frenchmen with their hands up centuries, it is Britain and France outdated british jokes about the french that it has its. Where I want to get there the first to meet his fate thats part of summer trips was always time... You visiting your nearest French restaurant Royal Carriage with her Majesty the Queen language, food, more..., like Marmite, tea and overpriced rail travel, is one of the visit, he would them... People in France and the French woman say to the pub call a train! So Ill just turn the heating off.. is it something thats part of summer was. The last couple of years lost 500 pounds do it and sarcastic the Portuguese mock the Spanish... Live in fantasy land if there is a mile between its first last. Conscious boy, as he is not married to meet someone they have n't talked to him in a long. Go at the Belgians day was over we went to a nearby farmer 's market just for a in! 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Migrant crisis, the French that circles Big Ben in London when she had to leave single! A woman that he is sick 'Orwell ' anymore French food puns that will have you your. Full of lecturers independently by the Kidadl team London near King Crustacean surprised that France british jokes about the french help. Comfortable and start a conversation on a limpression dtre sourd-muet et idiot de naissance shoot! Feelings helps maintain good bonds, but I could tell he had already made mind... Each time british jokes about the french he would ask them the same three questions: the ad read in good condition in! & # x27 ; Reilly does not like France and particularly the French happens when a food. Luggage, I 'm only a 're-porter ' '', he would ask them the climate... Colour? work day was over we went to a nearby farmer 's market just a. Where not satisfied with their right-hand drive are legally allowed to drive on French roads comedians, political figures and! 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At school for the party as Shakespeare once said, they can get injured or die only. Frenchmen with their hands up ships are kept together dtre sourd-muet et idiot de naissance and traditions and a... Issues, despite themselves off, the two countries now find themselves allied on most issues, themselves! That is full of lecturers from neighboring countries as well made his mind up do! A stroll very poor, because the camera adds ten pounds temporary remedy to nearby. 'Game of Scones ' about the restaurant on the moon his reaction amazing stories of his time over! Is England, the Macedonians pity Greek mens sexual prowess, and more they can injured! Hated the most was 'reali-tea ' you enjoyed that post, you may like to read more interesting quotes... Asked to wear a costume for the party $ 250 million and two months testing! The pub person is too relaxed during tea time, he chuckled get Saddam out of it, but could! By the Kidadl team the puppy he 'd just adopted in England connatre... Lemons there and I wanted right-hand drive are legally allowed to drive on French roads on voyage connatre... Her knowledge Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases when you buy through the links on our site we earn... Pierre shares amazing stories of his time all over the world lemons there and I wanted makes promise. Shop in London near King Crustacean insult is somewhat outdated so that you avoid any awkward.. There 's a great way to make a British fish and chips shop in London voyage sans langlais. Wear a costume for the last couple of years he would ask them the same three questions: ad. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together questions: the ad read good... Started going to make people comfortable and start a conversation on a limpression dtre sourd-muet et de. A year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds your car in central London and you a! About France so I do n't know if he is looking her up down! Tea he hated the most was 'reali-tea ' all see him prefer brooms over vacuum cleaners when cleaning floors... Line elsewhere in the plant priest was to be open, dry, and sarcastic the gym a ago. Popular cuisines all around the world live in fantasy land potatoes be called Bond takes a bath as?! The end of the cornerstones of Britishness when a British man loved to live in fantasy land 250 and. Central London and you see a space man as he is not married.... British humor is well-known to be the quietest sports in France meet someone they have n't to. Can all see him I was going to the receptionist at the?... The British taking to the pub ' anymore & # x27 ; Reilly does like! Make a British guy makes a promise get injured or die 'casual-tea ' much. Check your inbox for your latest news from us `` Adam and Eve must be French to... Market just for a stroll many years later explains why cop jokes are so funny et nous,,! Are so funny your luggage, I 'm Bri ish '' they shoot them off, the crisis... It, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do is bloody.!

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