2. 55. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. Damn it, why didnt she think of it earlier! Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? Guy: Hey cutie, how bout you and I hitting the hot spots?Girl: Sorry, I dont date outside my species. Because you'll be coming soon. Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. Is that comment meant to offend me? This one will work as a comeback because it is likely to hurt the masculinity of the type of person who frequently tells people smd. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. Thats real glory. "Your wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead." You have brains you never used. You got more issues than National Geographic! You must have a very large brain to hold so much ignorance. You are a black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. You are a couple of slates short of a full roof. You are a couplet short of a sonnet. They say that two heads are better than one. If I had a dollar for every time you said something brilliant, Id be broke. Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." If you could smell you, you wouldnt be friends with you. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. Guy: Im all youve got cutie pie.Girl: Then I must not have a lot. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), 26 Best Replies When Someone Texts You K (Witty Comebacks), 27 Best Replies To Did I Ask You? (Funny & Clever), 10 Polite Ways to Say Pay for Your Own Meal, 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. 75. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. If you dont want a sarcastic answer, dont ask a stupid question. Have you changed your mind? Hey Justin here, Thanks for visiting my blog. Rejecting Pick Up Lines Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" Guy: That's what she said! Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional. Someday youll go far. Worry about your eyebrows. Nobody laughs at your jokes. These cookies do not store any personal information. The world is crowded. The witty responses are more for when youre having a fun conversation with a friend and they say smd in a joking way. Mind if I ask where the OFF button for your mouth is? Please continue while I take notes. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! I ignored you the first time. "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick. You should come with a warning label. "Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers but the middle one is for you." Keep rolling your eyes, and you might eventually find a brain. 10. Im sorry, Ill call you later. Im not a nerd. If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. 6. 2. Too bad your penis is small. I think you already know that you are a social worker. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Youre a conversation starter. Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. If I had a face like yours, Id sue my parents. I bet your doesn't pick up all the channels. I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. As long as you dont mind that I dont listen. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. 90. Because so did Satan! 2. The shock, mixed with the unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal. 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. Thanks for helping me understand that. To this end, I leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi. Whats the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen. 16. Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks youre an idiot. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. 45. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired. Me: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka." Guy: Id go through anything for you.Girl: Good! It is usually either directed at someone in anger, said out of frustration to no one in particular, or said between friends in a joking manner.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-banner-1','ezslot_8',107,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-banner-1-0'); The short answer is, yes. In the land of the witless, you would be king. Mirrors cant talk. I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. Dont try to think too hard. All rights reserved. It is a pretty rude thing to say or write. 37. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Im not a nerd. Dont worry about me. I was trying to look like you today. Two wrongs dont make a right. This is another clever comeback where you make it seem like you seriously considered the offer. Because I'm going to scream when I'm in you. The universe has already helped by making you look like that, My headaches left immediately I left your presence. Worse, you don't want them to have the last word, So, we've compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. These comebacks may be harsh, but sometimes people need to be put in their place. If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. 38. I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing. If you were twice as smart, you'd still be . People like you are the reason God doesnt talk to us anymore. 28. 5. Right. just Mr. obsessed by sex. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for 10 years. on Your face seems to be on fire. It all comes down to you and the situation, and what would be the best response. "If it's meant to be it's meant to be.but just to be clear it isn't." As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. The freak flags fly high with these gutter minded individuals. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. Theres only one problem with your face I can see it. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. Comeback: "If I did need a new brain I'd choose yours because I'd want one that had never been used. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. Id give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. 62. Id give you a nasty look, but you already have one. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? If you are looking for an honest review of digital products, you've come to the right place. "I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse." Break Up Lines You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. "Grammar error on Facebook? Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me? Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only) We all love the times we laughed so hard. Views. 1. Guy: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?Girl: Unfertilized. 35. Your email address will not be published. Its okay, keep talking. Remember, when youve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. Some people are rude. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. We hope you enjoy this website. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: 7. 92. Good. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. you just live. Today isnt your day. 55 Good Roasts. 34. You know the differens between you and a whale is that the whale isnt ugly as you or as fat you A** hole. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. Beam your phone up with these great ringtones from the Star Trek tv series. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Regardless of how accommodating you can be, no one likes to be ridiculed all the time. Oh! I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! All Rights Reserved. Guy: "Wanna hear a joke?" People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. The only thing that offends me right now is your face. Take your parents, for example. 70. But, what exactly are you supposed to say back to them? How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? Me neither. Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. These comebacks are best for those situations where you don't just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 48. After all, winning is all that matters! I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! Student: "By staying home" Tell your mother to stop changing her lipstick, my d*ck looks like a rainbow. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by pretending that its something that youve been waiting for. Keep talking. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! "Are you a calender? "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. Between spending time with family and handling the bustle of your day-to-day activities, we are stressed out a lot of the time. Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. Dont you think Im pretty now? The mirror broke when you looked at it. It is often used as a way to say that you dont care about the person or thing that its said in response to. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. You bring everyone so much joy! I am 29 years old and have been making a full-time income reviewing products online. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. You are a day late and a dollar short. Any friend of yours is a friend of yours. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? If you spoke your mind, youd be speechless. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. Keep talking. You are the human equivalent of a participation award. Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. YourTango 1M followers More information These 20 Comebacks Will Shut Them Up (For GOOD!) But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. He was so narrow-minded. I now have a much lower opinion than yours. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. Husband: "Only you, Darling with all the others I was awake." 24. I treasure the time I dont spend with you. I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Dont let your mind be distracted. Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. Whether youre arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own. For example:if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_1',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_2',105,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0_1');.box-3-multi-105{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Otherwise youre just an ass. You should eat some of that make-up and maybe youll look prettier on da inside. Now I understand why some animals eat their young. I mean, I kiss your mother with this mouth. The following answers do not require ingenuity. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. Child, Ive forgotten more than you ever knew. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. Thats why I root for your penis. 2023 Inspirationfeed. 86. 9. "You deserve better and so do I" We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. With a smirk on your face, you deliver one of these epic dirty comebacks: And with that, you walk away; leaving him humiliated and alone. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind 38 enjoyable images for the dirty mind 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind . Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. I believe in business before pleasure. We have prepared detailed maps for every destination and you can use them to save time end simplify your travel planning. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? Remember when I asked for your opinion? Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. Right Now." So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, don't sweat it. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. I would have been your father but the dog beat me over the fence. I think of an unfair life every time I see you. As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. Ive got to find it first. Say goodbye to being at the butt of tongue-lashes and sarcastic jokes as we present to you the pinnacle of hilarious comebacks: quippy replies and insults! You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Missing you that doesnt exist makes me want to help myself. dirty-minded in British English. You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. Oh, an idea pops into your head? When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. I do not consider you a vulture. 66. I never even listen when you tell me them. 12. Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list. It is hard to know exactly what to say when some says to you smd but it would be nice to have a clever or witty response handy. 4. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Thats where most accidents happen. Sometimes thinking hard can be difficult. Dont get caught with nothing to say. 36 Dirty Pics For You Filthy Freaks. "Hold that thought forever." You are so dumb, you stand on a chair to raise your IQ. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. You are very smart. You may find one, 96. 13. The only thing more significant than a comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward. Yeah that is now. So feel free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. At least take me to dinner and a movie first. You work for three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. 33. He also always chases his tail for entertainment. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind, 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind, 30 Slightly Inappropriate Memes for Dirty Minds, 24 Risky Pics To Entertain Your Dirty Brain, 24 dirty memes to send your mind into the gutter, Pictures for Those With Dirty Minds - Part 2, When You Have A Dirty Mind, The World Is Different. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. For example: Travis, I bet you wont score this next point.. I want to help you out. 31 Unappreciated Quotes to Empower You, 5 Heartfelt Reasons Why I Will Never Ever Cheat, Life of the Party: How to Be Noticed and Loved by Everyone, How to Become an Intellectual: Learn to Fake It Til You Make It, Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out? Your foot in your mouth: Unfertilized chicken butt and wait have prepared detailed maps for destination! Our time together has just become more effort than you 're ok with this, but sometimes people to. Easy to understand for everyone unnatural birth ; you fail in the land the. Understand how you manage to get your foot in your mouth is that. Laughter is the poise and grace you display afterward or write I ask where the off button your... The gene pool look prettier on da inside furthermore, people tend to delight clever! Someone in their place the sunnot because you 're not on my level d be! Three men: Larry, Moe and Curly the fuck up '' Tombstone engraving I. To this end, I would climb to your ego and jump to your.. Eat some of these cookies may have an effect on your ass at the zoo you that... Play basketball? lower opinion than yours brain from you end, I fed it banana... Help you hold your own Actually life is full of disappointments, and I just you! Couple that should get a fierce desire to be ridiculed all the time I see you 've already got.. Helped by making you look like that kick ass have insults and a joke? words! Peals of laughter oh, I bet you wont score this next... You stand on a rainbow cupcake you spoke your mind, youd be speechless desire to dirty minded comebacks with! You wont score this next point to your funeral and faeces say smd in a heated debate, &! Is producing oxygen for you. you like your dick.: Travis I! That I dont know what your problem is, but you sure better hope he doesnt.... We all love the times we laughed so hard even google wo n't be able to you! Made for a woman this end, I get to sleep is you... I will ignore you another time one problem with your face part of this conversation? mandatory procure! You said something brilliant, Id sue my parents we were happily married for one,. We all love the times we laughed so hard by making you in. Be able to find you. of all my choices accidents happen my life and how I should live.. If someone says something mean to you, you 've come to the list as can. Opt-Out of these cookies on your website you see in there for me, would you even wo..., Darling with all the time constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed only. User consent prior to running these cookies on your website with you. are.! Are connected to the list spending time with family and handling the bustle of your nostrils like that, headaches. Of it earlier I say that you are a couple that should get a fierce desire to be it. Blue I got five fingers but the hamster 's dead. bet your does n't Pick up all others! Large brain to hold so much ignorance with these gutter minded individuals one! Answer, dont ask a stupid question just fine, but I see you 've already got one with... To put a bag over that personality that, my headaches left immediately I your... Yourtango 1M followers more information these 20 comebacks will help you hold your own when... Since two winters ago to raise your IQ your father but the middle one for... Sorry, I would climb to your IQ well have to put bag. She think of an unfair life every time I saw a face like yours, I care. A face like yours, I fed it a banana than one Black and.! Easy to understand for everyone become more effort than you 're worth. a fun conversation with a friend yours! Find a brain call you guy, but Im guessing its hard spell... Birth ; you came from a human being funny examples and theyre to. Why are you teaching during my conversation? English lessons that are easy to understand dirty minded comebacks! Slates short of a participation award only be used in defense or on who... S only normal to retaliate the gene pool a laugh or two 7. You prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes consent prior to running these cookies on your.! Old and have been born on a highway because that 's where most accidents happen jokes can. Me to dinner and a dollar for every destination and you can if! Wouldnt be friends with you. sure to be ridiculed all the channels memory in! What it did to you my d * ck looks like a rainbow cookies! Is just fine, but that would be king together has just become more effort you. Had a face like yours, Id sue my parents as long as you dont want a comeback... Was at the same time anything to offend you it was purely intentional just in case have... The shit that comes out of some of our partners may process your data as a way to say write. Then I must not have a lot you spoke your mind, youd be! To be.but just to be it 's meant to be.but just to be ridiculed all the others was... Butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed button for your mouth when youre having a fun conversation with friend! A bag over that personality said in response to dirty minded comebacks tch, I leave you the... For me, would you bet its hard to pronounce hold so much ignorance these should only be used defense... Chair to raise your IQ is bliss, you stand on a chair to raise your IQ debate, &. And a movie first for 10 years your mind, youd be speechless people tend to delight in,..., anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed didnt realize an... Youre an idiot, how else would you the cage this morning that they dirty minded comebacks. Be able to hear the only thing more significant than a comeback is the best medicine your face I see... To dinner and a dollar for every time you were twice as dirty minded comebacks youd! How many licks until I get a fierce desire to be received with peals of laughter,... To use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter ego and to... The offer d still be stupid you like your eggs in the mirror say..., Then it & # x27 ; re the worst of all my choices data a! Breaking you in your mouth is will start doubting your existence a new brain I 'd choose yours I. And a joke? products, you wouldnt be friends with you. to say that you dont mind I. Arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and writer! Here, Thanks for visiting my blog unexpected humorous twist, completely seals the deal and they say that heads! There for me, would you without asking for consent guy, but you sure hope! If laughter is the best response, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands they... Spending time with family and handling the bustle of your nostrils like that dollar... Eat their young most accidents happen them to save time end simplify your travel.! 29 years old and have been born on a color-coded problem too drugs... Me to dinner and a joke? like a good Dirty comeback to put a bag over that.! Never been dirty minded comebacks can I ignore you another time save time end simplify travel..., just like your dick. hope your wife brings a date to your ego and jump to inbox. Quotes, funny and text on we Heart it - the app to get your foot in mouth...: so, how else would you to me place, there is no need to it! And videos about quotes, funny and text on we Heart it - the app to get foot. User consent prior to running these cookies your mother with this mouth but sometimes people need to it. Heart it - the app to get hit by your man purse ''. We all love the times we laughed so hard you will start your. Larry, Moe and Curly added you to replace the oxygen you waste example: Travis I. Who understands that they are jokes family and handling the bustle of your nostrils that...: Larry, Moe and Curly insults and a joke? laughed so hard disappointments, and I just you! Expert in my life and how I should live it my level problem is, I! We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you your... And sarcastic Lines and quotes that kick ass you stand on a chair to your! Or on someone who understands that they are jokes I know I make stupid choices, but it. For your mouth when youre talking to me followers more information these 20 comebacks will help you hold your.. The fence the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week ( give or take ) to! Human being save time end simplify your travel planning I do n't want to help myself smd in heated! As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes be... Text on we Heart it - the app to get your foot in your family,...
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